Today is suppose to be a rest day. Apparently, I am suppose to take one day that I don’t run. To be honest at 4:30 in the morning with a margarita head ache it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. However, now I am missing my run. So today I am going to incorporate a core training. I have looked several up on line and found two that I like.  (here and here) Today also seems like the day to begin assessing the way I eat and set goals.

I have thought really hard about what my goals should be and how they need to reflect the point of the whole challenge. Which naturally begs the question, why do the challenge? In the beginning it is easy to jump in just because is sounds interesting. But as I run and push myself, I need more to keep it going. And the honest reason is, because I’m not sure I can. And because I want to be more than someone who worries about being thin and/or pretty. Who, at the very core, feels that this is part of the way I am judged.  And no this isn’t all I am, but my weight does preoccupy a ridiculous amount of my mental energy. And I never feel good about myself. This needs to shift in my own head. For me and for my children. I want to be healthy and know that I am strong. This is why I am doing this. And when I finish this one, I want to do more.

All of my goals, therefore, need to reflect my inspiration. This means none of my goals will come from achieving a certain weight or losing inches. It means my rewards for myself will come in the form of supporting my ongoing goals. So instead of new clothes, or a new haircut, it might be better sneakers, or a better running bra, or hell! running pants. Cargo shorts are interesting but they keep falling down.

After researching how to eat on line, I realize my running really doesn’t approach a level that could be called training. Which isn’t going to stop me from calling it that. There is a mental shift when I call it training as opposed to working out. But still, I am not going to take in more calories then I expend as some articles have suggested. I have plenty of reserve, thank you. As much as I don’t want this to be about my weight, I do understand that carrying extra weight isn’t healthy. So, I am not going to starve myself, but I am going to try to eat well. Only this time, I’m not eating well to achieve a specific body image, I am eating to achieve a healthy and strong body that will carry me cheerfully through the rest of my life. I am eating for fuel.

“Working out” to “training” and “losing weight” to “healthy fuel” are just semantics, but they are also game changing. Because the goals are completely different.

Yesterday I had a retirement party at the end of the day. Now I am the type of woman who likes  cold beer or red wine or  Margaritas, you get the picture. So this was my first test of peeling back that lovely habit. I couldn’t just sit and slurp down beers when I knew that I wanted to run again that night. Drunken run? Probably need much more training for that.  But I was very proud of myself, I only had one beer. Huge success! Me, in a bar and only one beer. People who know me may have trouble believing this, but I swear it is true. And how was I rewarded for this wonderful act of virtue? My car key disappears – right off the ring! So by the time I got home, I was already tired and annoyed and really just did not want to go running again. 

Except I did go. I went running for about forty minutes. Clarification: Walk/Run. But I was really diligent about walking two minutes and running a minute. And I even expanded it to running for ninety seconds, some of the times. And I even ran for a little over two minutes and I didn’t even throw up like I thought I was going to.  And then I went home and within thirty minutes I went to sleep.

Tomorrow night I am looking forward to an evening with friends at one of my favorite places. And I am not planning on being so good, except that I know I am going to want to run again on Saturday morning. I am convinced that it is really helping me stay calmer (if not calm) during the day. And it just makes me feel happy. But so do Margaritas. Somehow, I am going to have to make these two disparate parts of my life work together. Do I have to give up one pleasure for another? And yes, I know one is way healthier -but seriously? Do I really have to give this up?

I spend my time avoiding reflections of all kinds because there is just too much of me looking back.   At forty seven years old and over one hundred and yeah I don’t think so pounds, I am not very happy with my health. So when my neighbor, half joking I think, suggested I enter the Pocono Endurance Challenge, I couldn’t help but be intrigued. I have no idea how to train and I’m pretty sure three months is not a lot of time to prepare, but oh well.  I am ridiculously excited about  the idea, even though I have no idea what I am doing. I am about the furthest thing from an athlete there is. As I poured myself another margarita, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I know I may not finish, I may decide in two days that this is a horrible idea, I may fall down and totally embarrass myself. But you know what, I could actually do it. And then what?

Pre-training.

So, I am going for it. In an effort to keep me honest I am going to track my progress from beer drinking couch potato to health through this blog.  Any helpful suggestions would be fabulous!