Realities of Time: A Whiney Rant

I have gone off the grid. Not really. I’m getting pretty friendly with the early morning crew at Planet Fitness. However, I am feeling the pressure and the annoyance of limited time. The first few weeks back to school are always busy. Add to that football, and feeling pretty crappy from a cold and this week has been seriously sucky!  The Eagles won: Hooray!!! I stayed up way to late to watch them: DAMN!!!

My work outs have felt less than stellar. As a matter of fact, it feels as though more often than not I  put in a sub par work out then a good workout. If I am lucky I get out for a longer run once a week, and even then it is sometimes cut short due to some other place I need to be, person I need to attend to something I just have to do.

I am starting to enjoy and push myself harder with the weight routine I have been following. It is a mix of cardio and body exercises and free weights that takes about thirty minutes to complete There are no rests and you just push yourself as hard as possible. I am trying to do this three times a week. Afterwards I try to run for about three miles. It is meant to build endurance It seems to have become the one thing I know I can get done, because I can do it in a limited amount of time. The downside is, if I want to make sure I get in the additional cardio I have to be at the gym by quarter to five. Not the easiest for me. So, by Thursday I am often just getting in the weight routine and not the extra cardio. It makes me feel like I’m cheating. As a matter of fact, any cardio I do at the gym feels like I’m cheating. Even if I bring everything I have, there is nowhere near the satisfaction of running or biking outside. Whipping up a sweat in front of a row of televisions just isn’t the same.

Which is one of the reasons I haven’t been blogging. I’m not sure I have anything to say. And what I do have to say sounds seriously like whining even to my own ears. I hate the gym, I’m afraid of running in the dark, I’m tired of biking loops in the neighborhood, I want to stretch out the distance but either don’t have the time or the courage to go on my own. I am so stinking tired by Thursday.

I knew going back to work was going to make life difficult. However it is so different living the reality. I will have to continue to work towards something that meets my standards but I can also fit in. Maybe I need to remember why I am doing this. Why get up at four? Why do I need to bike outside? Why do I feel as though biking in the gym is not real? Why do I feel as though running on a treadmill doesn’t really count?

I do this for me. Everything I do is about getting further faster. It is about becoming strong and challenging my body and my mind to do things I never believed I could do. And now I think differently. Now I think I can. So maybe this is just another adjustment. Maybe running on the treadmills is like learning to run hills, and I just need to find a way to make it work for me. It will never be running outside, but maybe it can find a place in my routine.

As for biking, well there is no way the stationary bike can ever replace the joy of cycling in real space and time. It is beyond that it isn’t as good a work out. There is no sense of joy when you bike in the gym. There is no wind, no top of the hill, no speed, no corners to lean around.

If this is an addiction, I suppose I am having some withdraw. I need to find another fix. There is a ridiculously long bike ride in my very near future. Just the thought makes me so happy.

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