Wait, I Like this Right?

So, I think I am registered for the Broad Street. I never received an email, but they did take my money, so I’m going with yes. Which I know I should be delighted about, but suddenly ten miles seems ridiculous. And I wonder if I will ever again meet up with the woman who really believed that if she trained hard enough she would get down to an eight minute mile. Yeah, my times are nowhere close.

This woman actually likes churning it out on the treadmill. Why? Because when I start to get tired I can decrease the incline. It’s amazing how much easier that can make things. I can play with the buttons. Nothing seems all that far. And I have myself convinced that after the first seven minutes I am fine. Which, I kind of am. I also go so incredibly slow on the treadmill that no body would get really tired. And I only go a little over three miles. So, easy.

I keep telling myself that time is not important. I keep telling myself that my first priority is just to amp up my milage and not worry about how fast I am going. Then I get one of those posts from Facebook that say last year at this time I was running nine miles at just around a 9:30 mile and I want to put my head down. This year I am trying to find as many flat roads as I can. This year I drive to my run, instead of popping out my door, because there are flat roads beyond these here hills and I am willing to find them. This year, just getting out the door is a feat! (hah, see what I did there!)

So this morning, even though my original plan was to go to the gym by five so I could have about an hour’s peace before my children woke up, instead when the alarm went off I decided to stay in bed. It is, after all, the first day of spring break. I deserve to sleep. And the big reason that I stayed in bed? Wait for it. My new phone. It confuses me. It is too big. I know. It doesn’t make sense. But I looked at it and looked away. My old blue iPhone is now far away and I felt lost without it. This new one, is just too big. It’s spring break. I can run outside, where I am suppose to run anyway. Roll over, hot flash, drift back to sleep. Truth, exact turn of events at 4:04 this morning. I know TMI.

So, here I sit, thinking about folding the clothes, wondering about carrying my new phone in my hand, that does not have Runkeeper on it. And it has a case that covers the screen because it has a fancy pen and I had these great ideas and really it is the first purchase I have made in a long time that I didn’t even consider how it would effect my running. Or Biking for that matter, Holy Shit! I wonder if it will fit in my bike case. Damn. Maybe I should take it back.

The truth is, I am closing in on two years of running, with some biking thrown in over the summer. And the novelty is starting to wear. (Took awhile didn’t it?) It is often harder to get myself out the door. It doesn’t occupy the center of my universe anymore. But I still want it to be part of me, the me I really am not the me I think I am after reading Runners World. It needs to settle into the fabric of my identity, which means it will need to meld into the rest of my life instead of always being the first priority.

On some level, this is a good thing and important to maintaining it. However, it is also hard to come to terms with the fact that I am not, really in fact, an athlete. You can laugh, I know it is ridiculous. I am a teacher who sometimes likes to run, but mostly runs because I want to be healthy. And thin. That is the truth. And sometimes the truth ain’t pretty.

I have lost just about three pound, not six. I have four days to lose three, but well Easter and Mimosas are on the horizon, so if I don’t gain another one I’ll be in bonus land. I think I am moving a little faster and I did make six miles, not last week but the week before. Last week I had friends over on Friday night, so long story short I did not run on Saturday. Yeah, at some point the fire has definitely gone from a raging inferno to a flicker.

So, in about an hour I will try to do four miles. After I download Runkeeper to the mammoth thing masquerading as a phone. That I won’t be able to see, which may be good. Okay, enough rambling. Clothes and four miles here I come. Maybe I’ll burn extra calories carrying this thing.

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