Yesterday my family showed full support and indulgence in my new attempt at health by decking out my bike with a water bottle holder, mirror and new saddle. All birthday presents I was thrilled to have. And even though I overslept this morning and didn’t get out on the bike until six, I was so excited to finally bike without being mauled by the horn of the seat. Bike shorts on, which I have been wearing wrong by the way, regular shorts on top – because really I didn’t think I could take to public in black lycra, especially at that late hour and of course new seat. Off I went. Except it wasn’t bliss. It was still pain. Wiggle the butt up, and yeah, okay, that’s better, except I kept sliding down. Stand up, move to the left, move to the right. No, still not a comfortable ride for my female sexed parts. Five miles later I was sad and annoyed. Was I doing something wrong? I stopped back at my house, stripped off my top layer of shorts and tried again. People will just have to deal with me in lycra.  And, it was more comfortable but the pressure from the front of the seat was noticeable. And I had only biked a little bit more than a mile maybe. For any real distance, I didn’t see how I was going to make it. The discomfort was annoying.

I have read that when a seat fits right you don’t think about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about this seat. So, of course, this morning, after my failed work out attempt, I came right to the computer to research bike seats and women – again! First, I am not suppose to wear underwear with my bike shorts. This embarrasses me because it seems immodest and at heart I am a true child, but I am willing to try anything. Second, there is a cream that will apparently help with this. I purchased Hoo Ha Ride Glide from Amazon. I kid you not, that is the real name of the cream, so if you had any doubt as to where my discomfort was before, now it seems pretty obvious. (Because what? Vaginal Ride Glide seemed too inappropriate?) And this is serious!!! There are some real problems that can develop from women and cycling. This is an area that you do not want to lose feeling. And I am going to return the saddle for a new one.

This makes me very sad, because it was a birthday present. But I can’t see buying a saddle that is uncomfortable. And I am not holding out for nirvana here. Check out REI and you will see that bike saddles can get really expensive although Amazon has them cheaper. I just want one that I can ride for about two hours – or hopefully more someday – and still think sex is a good idea (come on, when a word like Hoo Ha Cream is already out there…). Hopefully, a seat for under a $100.

Sorting out my saddle issues will give my body some healing time. So tomorrow I am running, bright and early because six really does seem very late. And I am hoping it will rain. Because running in the rain is a truly wonderful experience.