Still Finding My Way

Today is my long run. Normally a Saturday event for me I finally compromised on the weather yesterday and waited until today. What this means for the rest of my work out schedule this week I have no idea. I keep getting emails from RunCoach, but can’t seem to get into my account to post what I am, and more likely, am not doing. I just can’t keep up with that schedule anyway.

It bothers me because I feel like a forty seven year old woman who has run for almost a year should be able to keep up with a programmed schedule. Even as I type it, I realize how stupid it sounds. But, isn’t that what I was paying for? Only twelve dollars, but still. I was looking for someone to tell me what I needed to become better. Not next level better, but just better than where I was. Am. I don’t know. But keeping up with this schedule and persisting through some wintry runs have left me missing more days than running.  Just when my legs feel good and I have a fulfilling run, I wind up feeling as though I am limping through the next one.  And I persist because I keep thinking I am teaching myself to work through the pain. To get through the hard parts.

I never walk. Ever. On a treadmill I don’t take rests for obvious reasons. I have seen people do that cool jump thing where they hop up to the sides of the machine and then hop back on. Yeah, I know I would go flying across the room. And when I am outside I don’t walk because I just keep telling myself to push through a few more minutes and it will get better. But today, I am thinking of taking walking breaks. I am aiming for eight miles and I want to get in the mileage. Besides the obvious trepidation that this is going to be hard and it is going to hurt, the idea of running for well over an hour seems a little boring. What else am I going to think about besides, how much longer?

And that whole fuel in the middle of a run thing just confuses me. I’ll look into it more, but I just think I would rather grit it out. But who knows? Maybe it would help. It’s just the idea of needing to carry water bottles and some type of food,  you know a small picnic, to go on a run just seems to defeat the purpose for me. I run because it is simple. I run because I can just go. I don’t want to have to plan a trip. I just want to run.

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